After Winter, Must Come Spring

Here it is the end of April…We have had at least 10 beautiful days. Spring has arrived, but it took me awhile to notice. Rushing to and fro, arriving at work only to realize that I don't remember the ride. I hear nothing (many times I don't even turn on the radio), I smell nothing and worse of all, I see nothing. Just passing from point A to point B as if in a tunnel. Totally focused internally….thinking about everything and nothing. A jumble of random thoughts……I wish I didn't have to go to work, I wish my son didn't have track practice tonight, why did my son have to break his thumb, how will I fit in everything that needs to be done today……..

 

Events of the past week have made me want to open my eyes, stimulate my senses and experience everything this world has to offer.

 

This morning, while laying in bed, I tuned in to my surroundings and quickly noticed the birds chirping. At that moment, I decided that I was going to take in everything of beauty on my ride in to work.

  

As soon as I walked outside, I noticed that my Japanese Maple was fuller than it was a year ago and my Azalea bush was starting to bloom. I wondered why the blooms were not as bright pink as my neighbor's. Hmm…a good question, but beautiful nonetheless.

 

My neighbor down the street had repainted her front doors a wonderful, deep red. The knocker shone brightly against the new paint. I really like a red door and red double doors are even better. I think the color selection has something to do with Feng Shui. Whatever the case, the result is eye-catching.

 

Another beautiful thing I noticed this morning was the smile on my friend's face at work. One of the people who always brightens my day by taking the time to greet me. She shows genuine care and concern for the things that are going on in my life, good or challenging (I'm trying to refrain from saying "bad").

 

As I pulled into the parking lot at work this morning, I was singing along with Mary J. Blige's song "Just Fine". The lyrics are "I like what I see when I'm looking at me, when I'm walkin' past the mirror…." This is true! I saw one more beautiful thing this morning….me……as I glanced in the rear view mirror.

 

I never even realized I had turned the radio on…..

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Lessons in Living.......and Dying

Today I am going to say good bye to a dear friend who died suddenly of heart attack on Friday. She was a good friend, a beautiful person inside and out and sadly, only 47 years-old with a 6 year-old son. I plunged into a sea of sorrow and regret upon hearing of her death. She was one of those "seize the moment" type people and sadly again, I have trouble with that. She'd say "Hey what are you doing? Come on by." More often than not, I would say that I had a ton to do, the boys had activities and  I was tired, too tired. Now I find myself wishing that I had been more spontaneous. Wishing I had "seized the moment" and taken every opportunity to be with her. When we did get together, we laughed and laughed. We had some crazy times......really crazy times. We had fun every single time we were together!! Why didn't I do it more???? I think I spent to much time worrying about things that were not important. Was my house clean, was the laundry done, was my hair done, had I gained weight etc etc etc. These silly things stood in the way of experiencing spur of the moment fun, friendship and girl bonding. It seems so ridiculous now. I guess because I always thought there would be time to do it...later. Well guess what? Now it's too damn late.

I can't go back to change the story, so I can only ask myself, "What am I supposed to learn from this?"  Moving forward, I will try to:

1. Never put off spending time with loved ones, tomorrow isn't promised.
2. Be spontaneous. Do what will make me or my children happy at that moment. For example, a week night movie, ice cream after school, a quick trip to the park, a slurpee
3. Call my friends and family often and let them know how I feel about them.
4. Reconnect with old friends (friending them on facebook is not enough)
5. Take a girl's trip with my old friends (doesn't have to be long or expensive)
6. Make new friends, travel again and explore

I even made my kids Easter baskets this year which I had never done before because I thought that it was silly. I thought they never noticed, but I betcha they did. Thinking back to my childhood, I remember how happy I was when I got a basket. My Aunt Kim always took the time to make one. I loved the candy, I loved her and that little gesture showed me that she loved me......

RIP Lourdes.... I love you!