I am posting for the the first time on this blog or any blog for that matter because I had an epiphany today. Every year during the holiday season, I analyze the status of my life. My ups and downs, my likes and dislikes and my total fulfillment or happiness on a scale from 1 to 10. It's a period of self reflection.This year, I wasn't so happy with what I found. I am doing the exact same thing this year at Thanksgiving, that I was doing last year. No less, but the troubling thing is, no more either. I always credited myself with being an enlightened and progressive person, but somewhere I lost my forward mobility. How did it happen? I'm just not sure. I guess I got lost someplace between the job, the family and the chores.
It's very easy to have your creativity, energy, natural curiosity and fun-loving spirit sapped, if you don't get a free moment to yourself before 9 p.m. It's very easy to lay on the couch on a Friday night or a Saturday morning "resting" and mourning the life you once had.
Once upon a time, on a Saturday morning, I would spring out of the bed for a quick bike ride around the Drive in Philly, stop at the coffee shop on the corner read the paper and chat with my friends. After a quick shower, I was off to Whole Foods to pick out some outrageously expensive salad greens, exotic meat or vegetable for lunch. Very often, it was free range stuffed chicken breast, roasted vegetables and fresh squeezed juice for one. A glorious life. No one else to consider but me. Table for one, food for one, one, one, one and one.......
There was no one else to consider but me. I went to the museums on The Parkway. Dinners out, trips to the gym, world travel, photography classes, walks in the park, new cars, news clothes, bike rides, hikes etc etc etc. All without the blink of an eye.
Suddenly my world changed, willingly, I think. I married, moved to Maryland, bought a house, another house and had two sons. All wonderful and life enriching experiences, but somehow instead of growing, I stagnated. Life was no longer about me and my happiness. As mothers and wives often do, I became more concerned about the happiness of others. Suddenly the happiness of my husband and children came before my own. Some argue that is how it should be, but I beg to differ. Somehow a family has to find balance, no one person can be 100% happy and have all of their needs met, but if I had to choose now, I would say the woman has to be the most happy. She holds the fate of the family in her hands. If the woman is not happy, the others can't truly be. If a woman (wife) is not happy, her husband won't be either. He won't have the level of intimacy he likes nor the level of physical contact. If the woman (mother) is not fulfilled and happy, the kids will not have their emotional needs met. Yes, they will be well fed, have clean clothes, the right school supplies, money for the fundraiser, haircuts, birthday parties etc. But will they have what really matters? Children benefit emotionally from a mother who is relaxed, carefree, spontaneous, loving, stress-free and patient. If a woman is not happy and fulfilled, emotionally, she has little to share.
Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I discovered that I am not truly happy and haven't been for a long time. It's no one else's fault but my own. I won't blame it on my husband or anyone else. Somewhere along the line I willingly gave up my happiness and my life as I knew it, for the happiness of those around me. I thought if everything was perfect in my home, with my family, I would be happy. I was wrong.
I am now on a mission to rediscover my former self and evolve into the woman I know I can be. I realize my life will never be the same again, but I don't need it to be. My life will be different, but it can be better.........
I think we as women all go through this period of being unfufilled. I too sometimes look at my life and feel that things could be so different for me. I know that I am blessed to have a family, but sometimes it is just not enough. What I have learned about me as I go through my journey is that true happiness comes from within. No matter what I have going on, I know that there are certain things that I have to do to ensure my own happiness. I encourage you to do the same. 1.) Live in the present, you cannot change what yesterday was. 2.) Laugh as much as you can. 3.)Sprituality is a must because it creates peace, strength, and balance. 4.) Think positive - this changes you entire outlook on everything. 5.) Take Care of You - Get out of the house and excercise. Read a book, go to the movies. Do the things that you enjoy doing. Although I know there is not turn-key solution to happiness, but I hope this helps. "All of life is a journey which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there.”
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